Kids funniest quotes questions and answers

One of the best things about kids is their filters , or lack of them. Now some would say any kid with no filters gets it directly from their parents!?

….Nonsense ! Or may be it isn’t, after all if you live in a small dwelling like we do your kids are quite often in earshot, and lets face it Mum and Dads filters are off! All said and done the innocence, frank and all knowing deliveries are something to behold. Here’s a few of our children’s classics and a few from friends and family.

Our daughter came back from our daily excersize visit to the beach, we assume that she got the line from a friend who we had seen :

“The virus started because a man in China ate a Bat “

After battling for several months night time nappy training our daughter, we pressed pause ,why ,because both our washing machine and dryer where exhausted….the nappies went back on with the promise that we would start again after Christmas . When we explained this to our daughter she simply said in a rather aggressive manner :

“Fucking nappies, fucking Christmas !”

My sentiments exactly…………

Kids being silly in front of the camera

A familiar occurrence in our house is for both children to rush for the loo just as we are sitting down to dinner, hot plates of food ready to consume…the inevitable request for a bottom to be wiped as the aroma of the deed filters over the dining table (down stairs loo is right next to the table )is a common theme : “i’ve finished !…..can you wipe my bottom please !?” our answer is the usual “ Your old enough to do it yourself!”

To which the answer is :

“why do I have to do everything in this house !”

Our son has a major sweet tooth and although he loves birthday parties it is clear that the cake is the major event for him:

“Why does the cake only get served at the end of the parties? Its not fair !”

We thought this was a fair concern, I mean why give them the most delicious of the sugar rushes on the way home out of a bag? Cake is served at the start of our children’s parties, that way they can get high with their friends ! Right?

I love the way kids play with words from such an early age. This was both are kids presumably bored when driving places and seeing me get frustrated when stuck in traffic jams:

“Are we stuck in a traffic honey !?”

Laughter rolls from the back as they continue with further examples such as “Peanut butter” , “strawberry jam” and straight forward “butter”

From my all knowing and Authoritative son:

“Ten plus ten isn’t ten Dad”

A pretty serious question from my son, which was asked while we sat eating lunch at the top of a dune with a view of the forth. One of those questions that make you realise how little you know

“Dad…….before the big bang what kind of light and dark was there ?”

At the same lunch sitting in the dunes surrounded by sea buck thorn bushes all moving gently in the wind I said to my daughter “ do you think the plants are talking to each other “ the way in which she replied implied she both new what she was talking about and that i was a complete idiot!

“Of course the plants talk to each other Daddy!”

Unbelievable i thought right on both counts !

This one came out of no where ;

“One Gnome in a garden is ok isn’t it Mummy? But lots is a bit weird and scary, isn’t it Mummy?”

I am inclined to agree !

Kids on beach
Kids eating a roll on portobello beach

Halloween two years ago my wife announced we would be accepting guisers and I would be opening the door to kids while she went out with ours. I hadn’t prepared an outfit so I decided to simply put my jacket on over my head ( to make me appear headless !) Children came and went laughing mostly, I think, at how stupid I looked. One particular little girl returned to her mother and said ;

“Mummy the poor man doesn’t know how to put his jacket on properly, he hasn’t put his head through the top and he can’t see properly”

My kids returned sometime later so I gave them the same reception, my daughter became up-set and said ;

“I don’t like Daddy without a head”

It has continued to traumatize her throughout the year, bizzarily just a few days ago as we walked up from the beach she brought up Halloween and burst into tears, hugging her Mum and sobbing gently she said;

“Please, I don’t want Daddy to be headless again at Halloween, promise me Mummy; it was very scary”

At least my outfit worked for my daughter?! I have now reverted to putting on vaguely crap and not very scary face paints…..

Silly Dad make - up
Trying not to be to scary at Halloween with the kids

I hope to muster up a few more quotes and questions from my very poor memory sometime in the future.

I hope you have enjoyed my first blog , i would love to hear from any Mums and Dads with their classic kids quotes .

Leave a comment